Life is challenging, and how we react to those challenges can tell us so much about ourselves. It is necessary to assess ourselves honestly to develop a better understanding of our level of resiliency, and further strengthen skills that we are lacking. To make this a bit easier to do, the chart below describes what it means to be a victim, survivor or thriver. It is always your choice which you strive for, but the clients I have seen make the biggest strides towards their potential were able to truthfully call themselves a thriver. Getting to this stage allows someone to have the strongest resiliency to face any of life’s challenges.
| Victim | Survivor | Thriver | |
| Thoughts | • Focus on the problem • Why me? • It’s not fair. • I am not worthy. |
• Focus on solutions and how to effectively react • I can get through this. • I am worthy. |
• Focus on the present and what can be done proactively • I am grateful. • I trust myself. |
| Feelings | • frustrated, hurt, disappointed, angry, fearful, low self esteem, sad, etc. • guilty or selfish if actually do something positive for self |
• All of the feelings of a victim PLUS hope and excitement for change and the future, some ambivalence for change is common | • Allow self to acknowledge and feel all feelings, but choose which to engage in to allow for productivity • Proud, accepting, hopeful, confident |
| Behaviors | • Places own needs last, but allows resentments to grow when they are not met • Complaining without problem solving • Comparing self to others’ situations and validating self if situation is “worse” • Lack of accountability • Act as a martyr • Isolates/unhealthy alone time that is draining of energy • Blames others • Closed minded • Passive Aggressive • Wants environment to be peaceful in order to feel calm |
• Accept accountability • Take care of self • Chooses healthy alone time, learning to enjoy it, gains energy from it • Brainstorm solutions • Ask for help if needed • Open minded to solutions • Learning to protect self • Learn tools to help relax and calm • Learning assertiveness • Sees self as healing • Shares story with “safe” people • Accepting of help when offered • Takes opportunities for growth and advocacy • Analyzes situation in order to be objective of it, not to complain |
• Open hearted for self and others • Trust self to be able to deal with any unforeseen challenges • Learn from challenges and apply lessons to life • Forgiveness of self and others • Enjoys time spent alone, finds it necessary • Creates opportunities for growth and advocacy • Put own needs first, recognize this must be done in order to be best self • Act genuinely -Assertive • Finds inner calm and recognizes its peaceful impact on environment |